Ahhh.. I do so so so good. Then I see your F-ing self. I hate seeing you. I really do. I hate it. I miss you so much and look forward to a moment I might get to be with you, and then I see you and I get so angry and disgusted and hurt and I just want nothing else but to be a thousand miles away from you. It hurts so much to think and know that I probably won't see you for three and half months and you don't even fucking care. You didn't show one glimmer of "I give a shit" at all. You don't even know where I will be this summer, that's how I know you don't care. Because to you - you have no idea.

I fell for it. I fell for all of it, your stupid lies, your false feelings.. I fucking can't sleep at night 'cause my stupid memory is full of your bullshit. You haunt me! And what is worse, it only happens because I let it. I want you out of my head so badly. I want to forget you and everything about you. I want to put it all away and lock it up for another day, when I can handle it and won't miss it. When I have something better. And I cracked, I cracked after seeing you and sent you a message to which you have yet to respond 'cause you probably don't care. Or you are with some other girl. I don't believe you! I don't trust you. You won't ever tell her, you are so full of lies it is incredible. I can't, how can I believe you? How foolish am I? Oh God, how foolish am I..

I wish I were strong like you. I wish I had the ability to not give a shit. I wish I were capable of forgetting like you do. I can't wait to get away from this place, from all the things that constantly remind me of you. I'm tired of worrying about if I will see you. I want days to turn to weeks. I want it all over so badly. But oh goodness I want so badly for you to call and tell me it's all over, that you are wrong. That this was all a mistake. But that will never happen. Achhh. Why is this so difficult? Why can't you just care. just a little bit. Fuck.